Do you see what I see?

I'm a very visual person. I look at something and see something completely different. In a rorschach test I would be the one that saw something that was not even one of the logical choices.



Sometimes when you see something in every day life that isn't supposed to be funny but really cracks you up, you are alone and you wish that you had a girlfriend to share the giggles with you. That would be me, earlier tonight. Maybe you will see what I saw in this picture, maybe not. Of course any of you that know me should already have the mental note that I have a dirty mind ;)



So from me to you...enjoy!

Seriously? What is that? Sweet & Sour? I'm still laughing. I apologize in advance for those who don't see what I see.

Coming soon: The newest little artist in the house takes her brilliance to the walls! Oh the joy!

Just sayin'

OK ladies.....enough is enough.....for as long as anyone can remember, bathroom humor has centered solely around men and boys.....the only mention of women's bathroom habits usually revolves around hair fixing and nose powdering....I say it's high time we venture beyond the creaky swinging metal door with the broken lock and address some issues we all know about but are too afraid/embarrassed to talk about.....

Let me start with some simple commentary/rules:

Check for feet! If there are any-try and hold off on releasing any loud embarrassing noises. It is uncomfortable for both yourself and the people left holding their shirts over their noses next to you. If you can't hold it in much longer-cough that strange throat clearing cough that is a signal to other stall mates that they may want to wrap things up and vacate the premises. If someone else lets out a noise that is both uncomfortable yet strangely humorous, don't laugh, don't even breath-just finish up immediately and get out fast. No one wants to be the recipient of that person that comes out with the "I had a wicked burrito at lunch" face.

Recognize and respect the power of the "Poop Stall"-every work place has one. If you enter the bathroom and someone is using it-leave. It's the right thing to do. Don't force the poor girl to clench the cheeks so tight she doesn't walk straight for days. If you must go in-move quickly-don't dilly dally and PLEASE do not stop and have small talk with co-workers you really don't care about but feel awkward because you locked eyes in passing on the way to the sink-do you really care how Little Johnny is doing in karate and even if you do-do you need to know right then and there? Take it to the hallway so the butt clencher can proceed.

What's with the pee on the seat? Is aiming that difficult? Is the hole not large enough? I mean there are some large butts out there but the shooting device is pretty standard. For the hoverers, planting your feet works well, and getting the TP all ready before you lock into the hover position helps also: no reaching=no dripping! If you drip-wipe it up-it's your own fluids so don't get all spastic about it.

Leftovers....face it ladies-sometimes some pretty crazy stuff comes out of us-and sometimes-one flush just doesn't do it. Don't leave your remnants for the next person. Take the 1.3 seconds it takes to flush again. Like Momma always said-leave a place the way you'd like to find it.....so unless you prefer things smeared with poop, give it another whirl.

That time of the month...you know it...it happens to all of us....and as many of us do, we blab about it to our girlfriends "Ugg these cramps are the worst" and get emotional over the puppy not able to climb up onto the bed in the Kleenex commercial ("come on little guy you can do it") but one way we don't want to hear about another gals menstruation is by seeing the evidence on the toilet bowl. We have all been dealing with this for many years so the fact that someone can not navigate the process is unfathomable. Here's a tip-go slowly. No need to yank the sucker like you're trying to get the baby out of the well. If for some reason you make a mess, clean it up. It's not that hard to do a little wipe down before exiting. Again remember Momma's wisdom!

If you are one of those people that thinks the bathroom is made for these reasons and you don't feel you have to follow these rules, then go ahead and let 'er rip-but don't be surprised if next time you walk down the hall there are glances and whispers!

Last tip-if there is spray, use it. Just a shot or 2-don't gag the next users with enough citrus to start a grove their next visit.

Hopefully these tips have helped some. I have had endless discussions on this topic with many of my gal friends and the painful truth of the matter is-we like to poop in peace. In a perfect world, the little brown monster wouldn't be knocking on the door until we were safely in our homes, out of the public ear, and nose, but sadly that isn't always the case.

Here's to empty bathrooms, music loud enough to cover bowel noises, and a vast array of scented odor eliminators. For those that are able to always hold out until they are in the comfort of their own homes, I applaud you (and am extremely jealous), for those of us who can't always make it till quitting time, happy pooping ladies, may the force be with you (and no one else!) :)

Musings of a 7 Year Old

My 7 year old son has been quite the little artist lately. He recreated all the Pokemon cards he has...some traced and some drawn free hand-did a pretty good job too. He is getting better the more practice he gets. It's a big step from the circles with lines that used to represent all of us not that long ago.


I came into his room the other night to find this masterpiece taped to his dresser:

If you can't make it out, it says "King Bling-Makes Mad Dance Moves-Royal Bling". The character is very South Park-esque. That smirky mouth and those sleepy eyelids. I like the arrows pointing to the corresponding drawn details-the dancing feet and the big gold chain. Look out Trey Parker!

Just wanted to share that little humerous tidbit.

Happy Turkey Day!

Is Barbie not thin enough?

I came into the living room over the weekend to see this:

I asked my daughter what this setup was exactly (with a slight worry in my voice as to what she may have witnessed). She smiled at me and said "Mommy, my dollies are doing push-ups". I laughed and laughed and had to snap a shot of the Barbie Gym that had become my couch.

Later that evening, after putting my little workout afficianado to bed, I came into the living room to find:

Who knew?! These little blobs of plastic perfection are push-up feigns! I decided to leave them there till morning-Ballet Barbie was looking a little flabby in the arms. I have not since seen them working out. I think they may be on strike-or maybe my daughter's workout routine takes after mine-it's fun for about a day-then I'm over it ;)

I guess I should be thankful I didn't walk in to find this.

Happy Monday!

I'm a blogger?

How did I get here? That seems to be a recurring statement in my life. It's one of those things that occurs when you look around at your surroundings and your life in general and think "How exactly did I end up here?" It was just yesterday I was playing on the playground with Bonnie in grammar school. It was just yesterday I was cutting class with Erin and eating breakfast at Bagel Chateau. It was just yesterday I had my own apartment in New Hampshire and could come and go as I please. It was just yesterday I was a newlywed and could travel anywhere at any time with next to no obligation to anyone. It was just yesterday I didn't have scars on my body from babies or surgeries or dramatic weight changes.

I'm not really complaining (right now anyway), all I'm trying to say is How did I get here? As Meredith Grey once said:

"We all think we're going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing, still. The expected's just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives."

I may have pictured my life going differently, and I won't lie and say that I don't sometimes wish I had that damn Zoltar machine Josh used in "Big", but overall life is pretty OK. My kids provide me endless joy and laughter (mostly why I started this blog), not that they aren't frustrating and mind bending at times (I will also share that-no worries) but in the end, all I can come up with is I got here because I was supposed to be here. So I'm going with that...until my next breakdown.